


What You Want

by TwillyToothpick



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 18:03:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18899815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwillyToothpick/pseuds/TwillyToothpick
Summary: You were just going over there to comfort him, really, that was it.





	1. What You Need

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to cross-post from my Tumblr. This was my first time writing in a long time and my beta, Fridays--Child on Tumblr, was a huge help to me. There are two other parts to this that I will posting today.

You huffed as you looked at your phone. A week, a full **week** , since Travis had contacted you in any way. When Morgan had dumped him you had assumed that he would follow the same predictable route to get over her. First, cry in your arms (you enjoyed that part more than you should) then go boozing with the boys and bang some random hottie. Bam, his ego is once again at full capacity!  
  
Your thumb hovered over Travis's name, you just wanted to know if he was still alive at this point. Your phone buzzed suddenly in your hand, an act that shocked you to the point that you dropped it on your face. Grumbled curses fell from your lips while you picked it back up and squinted at the name that appeared.  
  
 “Why is Nolan texting me?”  
  
 Granted, Nolan was Travis's best friend and you two ended up socializing quite a bit, you had simply never clicked. Two quiet, awkward people do not equal a friendship, unfortunately.  
  
_Have you talked to Travis at all?_  
  
Your frown deepened as a heavy feeling settled in your gut. Travis not texting you was out of character but him not texting Nolan was something that worried you.  
  
_No, he hasn’t spoken to me since the thing with Morgan went down._  
  
Nolan's reply appeared with moments,  
  
_I’ve been to his place three times and he won’t even answer the door. He won't even reply on Snap._  
  
You sensed the question before he asked it and groaned while you typed out your message.  
  
 _Don’t worry Nolan, Mom Friend is on it._  
  
 You hauled yourself off the couch, your mind had already begun to work on a solution when your phone buzzed again.  
  
_You’re a beaut, (Y/N)!_  
  
 An exasperated smile stretched across your lips before you set your phone down. First, you had to change your clothes… then a trip to the grocery store.  
  
\--  
  
  
You panted as you hauled yourself up yet another flight of stairs. A stream of mental curses ran through your head the entire time as you muttered to yourself.  
  
“You would _think_ that if you’re going to get someone to check on a person, you would at least have the _decency_ to tell them that the elevator is broken!”  
  
_Of course, the little princess had to have a place on the top floor._  
  
You finally reached your destination, the grocery bags digging into your arms. You floundered for a second as you fought to lift your arm high enough to knock. Secretly, you didn’t want to know what was on the other side. An unpredictable Travis wasn’t something you were used to. You had gotten used to his habits since you met him at a party three years ago. He still hadn’t answered so you knocked again, more insistently this time. Your heart clenched while your familiar mantra for anything about Travis running through your head.  
  
_He just didn’t hear it, it's okay._  
  
The same mantra had run through your head many times over the years.  
  
When you realized that you thought about him more than you should.  
  
_He's just a friend, it's okay._  
  
When you saw him making out with your friend at a party and it felt like you got stabbed.  
  
_He's just drunk, it's okay._  
  
When he had sex with that same friend within earshot of you.  
  
_He's just in it for an ego boost, it's okay._  
  
The moment you realized that you had fallen for a manwhore.  
  
_He'll grow out of it, it's okay._  
  
When you finally understood that you would never be the kind of woman that he looked at twice.  
  
_I’m fine with just being his friend, really, it's okay._  
  
You were snapped out of your trance by the sound of the door opening. It revealed a decidedly dishevelled Travis, unshaven and clearly unshowered. You coughed slightly when the smell of an unwashed man hit you. You turned your head in an effort to hide the wrinkle of your nose.  
  
“(Y/N), what are you doing here,” he drowned at you while he spoke. “I’m not really in the mood for any company now so maybe you should just-"  
  
You jammed your foot against the door when he tried to close it.  
  
“Travis Konecny, you dropped off the face of the earth and worried everyone in the process!” You huffed at him as you shouldered your way into his home, “Yet you have the gall to try to send me away?”  
  
You turned and glared at him while he shut the door. You evaluated him at that moment, taking in the sunken posture and the bags under his eyes. Your heart broke a little at the sight. You had never seen him this broken up over a girl. He would have his little pity party then carry on, this was a million time worse. At least Morgan waited until the season was over to end it.  
  
“We're your friends and all we want to do is help you.”  
  
He refused to meet your eyes and stared off to the side instead, “I just… I just don’t want to see anyone right now, that's all.”  
  
You hummed as you stared at him for a second before you spun on your heel and headed into the kitchen. A scowl set in when you saw the amount of trash scattered around his place, it consisted mainly of junk food wrappers and plastic bottles.  
  
“H-hey, I said I don’t want people around so-"   
  
  
“I don’t care what you want at the moment, Travis, I’m here to make you somewhat decent again.”  
  
You set the bags on his table as Travis shuffled along behind you.  
  
“First things first, you need to shower,” you peered over your shoulder as his cheeks flushed in shame, “and for the love of God, shave whatever the hell you call that.”  
  
_My God, this poor guy can’t grow facial hair to save his life._  
  
Travis opened his mouth and you tensed up, you already planned for an argument. This plan faltered when his jaw clicked shut and made his way to the bathroom without another word. You stared after him as he retreated, he was never the type to be ordered around without a fight. You shrugged your shoulders as you tried to figure out what you should do first, cleaning or cooking.  
  


You pursed your lips as you swept your hair up, hurriedly twisting it into a messy bun. It looked like a teenage boys bedroom in here.  
\--  
You were in the middle of cutting up the peppers for the omelets when you heard the shower finally shut off. You had managed to clean up all the trash and even swept before you started to prepare his dinner. You could hear his footsteps padding down the hallway and into the kitchen. You paused when you felt his arms wrap around you, stomping down the flutter that appeared in your heart before you carried on. You came from a family of huggers after all and Travis had been the first person to take advantage of the endless cuddles that you offered.  
  
He leaned in his forehead against the back of yours, blowing out a loud exhale that ruffled your hair.  
  
“You didn't have to come over, (Y/N), I would’ve been fine.”  
  
You mulled his words for a moment, grabbing the green onions so you could start chopping them up.  
  
“Why didn’t you answer when Nolan came over? You know he was just worried about you.”  
  
“He would've just tried to get me to go out. I didn’t want... I don’t…” you felt him start to shake against you and turned around. Your arms naturally slid under his and you pulled him closer.  
  
“Shh, honey, it's okay, just let it out.”  
  
You gently rubbed your hand in a circle on his back, the two of you assuming the same position that you had after all of his breakups. It was sort of comical really, the sight of you attempting to cradle a fully grown hockey player.  The shaking stopped after a few minutes and he pulled back slightly, sniffling as he looked at you. You hummed quietly while you reached up to wipe the tears off his cheeks. Your eyebrows furrowed when his hand caught your wrist.  
  
_Why's he messing with the routine?_  
  
“You're always there for me, (Y/N), always the first to comfort me…” he eyes locked with yours and felt trapped in them.  
  
Your heart skipped a beat when he leaned forward and your lips met in a slow, chaste kiss. You had waited so long for this and couldn't hold back a moan. He pulled back for a second before his lips crashed down on yours again, more demanding and insistent now. His hand dropped down and hooked your leg over his hip while he pushed you back against the counter. You gasped and whimpered when he ground his clothed bulge against your pussy, your pants barely dulling the sensation. Your mind had blanked for a moment and you revelled in the feeling of his body against yours. Reality hit you like a brick though and you pulled away, pressing your hands against his chest.  
  
“T-Travis, no, we can't-"  
  
“ _Please_.”  
  
One word was enough to make you freeze and as he stared desperately into your eyes, you had an epiphany.  
  
_I'm just a body to him now._  
  
He didn’t see you, didn’t realize that body he was touching was that of a long time friend. All cared about was contact with someone, anyone. It could have been a homeless woman standing in his kitchen and he would still fuck her. He wasn’t begging you, he was begging the idea of feeling whole again. You summoned what little courage you had and opened your mouth only to be silenced.  
  
“Please, (Y/N), I _need_ this.”  
  
The plea left his lips and took the last if your dignity with it.  
  
“Whatever you need, Travis, I’m here “  
\--  
  
You stared at the ceiling of Travis's bedroom while he slept soundly beside you. You could feel the bruises starting to appear, the soreness in your hips a testament to Travis's less than gentle treatment of you. Your mind spun when you turned your head to look at the man whose bed you were sharing.  
  
_It didn’t mean anything to him._  
  
You choked back a sob and turned away. The clock beside his bed showed that it was three in the morning, far too late when you had to work the next day. His arm was heavy on your stomach and his breath tickled your neck. You made up your mind and moved his arm off of you slowly, lest you wake him up and begin the awkward interaction that you were trying to avoid. You knew he wouldn't want you here in the morning, he always said that it irritated him when girls would linger.   
  
You slipped out of his bed but froze when he grumbled in his sleep. You hadn't realized that you had stopped breathing until he simply rolled over to the other side of the bed. You sucked in a deep breath and moved around the room to gather your clothes. Your hips voiced their displeasure in the form of a dull ache when you pulled on your clothes. You let out a quiet grunt when you bent down to grab your shoes. You tiptoed to the front door as quietly as you could only to wince when it creaked as it opened. You risked a last glance back as you stepped out.  
  
_We'll get past this, it's okay._  
\--  
  


You stared at your phone as it vibrated itself across your coffee table. It had been two days since that night and frankly, you didn't want to face Travis or his comments.

 

_ Suck it up, (L/N), what's the worst he can say? That you suck in bed? _

 

You rallied your last bit of courage and grabbed your phone, not even reading the notification before you tapped on it.

 

_ Greg1234 liked your photo! _

 

You stared at your phone while your mind struggled to remember just who the hell Greg was. You emitted a loud groan while you flopped backwards.

 

"I really need to make my insta private, " you muttered and tossed your phone to the other end of the couch.

 

\--

 

You were in bed when your phone buzzed. You slammed your hand down on the poor thing and you dragged it towards you. You flipped your covers off of you, you hadn't slept well the few nights anyhow. You chewed on your bottom lip as you tapped the snap notification. A resigned sigh slipped out when you realized that it was just Jessica. It was a typical snap for her, a short video of a dimly lit club with her yelling that you should be there. 

 

You blinked hard and swallowed the lump in your throat as you laid back down. You pulled your covers over your head while you tried to reassure yourself.

 

_ He's just taking his time to get in touch, everything's okay. _

 

\--

 

You stared at the television but didn't see or hear any of the events taking place on the screen. Jessica had forced her way in, already mid-rant about how you were becoming a hermit and that was unacceptable because she was Too Cool to have a friend like that. You could feel her stare as it burned into the side of your face but you made no effort to acknowledge it.

 

It had been over a week since that night, ten days, two hundred and forty hours and he still hadn't attempted to contact you. You didn't notice the awkward way that your hands fidgeted or the way your face crumpled when you thought about it but Jessica did.

 

"What's going on?"

 

"H-huh, sorry, what was that?"

 

She narrowed her eyes at you, her usual scowl already in place.

"I  _ said _ , what is going on with you?" She looked you over while she spoke, a grimace replacing the scowl when she saw the bags beneath your eyes and your desperately in need of a wash hair.

 

"I-it's nothing, really, just work stress, " your voice faded when your lower lip trembled.

 

Before you knew it the dam broke and heavy sobs matched the tears as they ran down your face. Jessica didn't say anything as she wrapped you in the hug that you didn't know you needed. Through countless sniffles and sobs, you recounted the events of that evening. You started from when Nolan texted you right up to when you snuck out of Travis's apartment.

 

"You said he hadn't talked to you since?"

 

A weak nod was all you could answer with. Jessica grumbled something under her breath before she held you out at arm's length.

 

"(Y/N), if he wanted to talk to you he would. I think… I think you need to let him go, he got what he wanted."

 

You stared at her as a dark flush clawed its way up your neck and across your face.

 

"How… how  _ dare  _ you! Travis and I have been friends for years and now you insinuating that I'm just some hookup?"

 

"I didn't mean it like-"

 

"Just go away, Jessica, please." You hated the whine in your voice, hated how pathetic you sounded.

 

She peered at you for a second before her shoulders dropped and she looked away. She moved around your living room, gathering the movies and snacks that she had brought over. She was already on her way out when she spoke to you again, 

 

"You know I'm right, (Y/N) if he gave a damn about you he would've put you out of your misery by now."

 

"You can keep the wine, you look like you need it more than I do."

 

\--

 

 It had been two weeks since that night and you hadn’t heard a damn thing. No calls, no texts, not even a snap. Needless to say, your nails were nonexistent at this point. You had driven away the one person who could comfort you and now you couldn't remember the last time you got through the day without blinking away tears. You had called in sick today since the shaking of your hands made it impossible for you to work.  
  
You were laying in bed, trying to plan out your apology to Jessica, when your phone buzzed. You groaned, today wasn't a good day for the real world to bother you but you grabbed your phone anyway. Your heart rate sped up when you saw Travis's name and a relieved smile appeared as you tapped on the snapchat notification. The smile crumbled though, everything crumbled when you saw a picture of his kitchen counter and four little words on the screen.  
  
_It was a mistake._  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  



	2. What You Get

Sweat dripped down the side of your face as you skidded into your bathroom. You heard the pounding of footsteps behind you as your pursuer chased you. You closed the door as quick as you could, double checking to make sure you locked it. You gasped and darted towards the bathtub when their body collided with the door.

 

"It won't hurt as much as you think it will, " they jiggled the door handle as they tried to soothe you, "I promise I'll make it quick."

 

You watched the door handle as it continued to wiggle around. You could hear the sound of metal scraping against metal as they tried to pick the old fashioned lock.

 

"M-maybe I don't want to! Maybe I'm not ready to do this!" 

 

You glanced at the item in your hand then around your bathroom.

 

_ They'll lose interest if they can't find it. _

 

You scrambled towards the small linen closet and stuffed it between some towels. The door clicked open and you whirled around as they stepped into your space. 

 

"Seriously (Y/N), we need to do this." You grimaced and looked away as they held their hand out to you.

 

"Oh my God, stop being such a brat and give me the damn phone!" Jessica snapped at you, the dark look on her face reminiscent of principal Trunchbull.

 

"His face is in damn near every one of your Facebook photos and pretty much all of your Insta posts!"  She rolled her eyes at you and waved her hand in front of your face.

 

You swallowed heavily and continued to stare at the floor. Jessica was right of course, it had been close to a month now and you hadn't even worked up the courage to delete his number.

 

_ Who knew it would be so hard to let go of something you never had… _

 

Jessica sighed before she crouched down to your level, 

 

"I know it's hard but you have let it go. I guarantee that your phone number was gone the minute he woke up."

 

You gasped at her words as you tried to blink back tears. 

 

"It will only take a few minutes and you'll feel so much better, I promise."

 

Those words won her the battle as you sagged in defeat. You fumbled your way back into the linen closet and pulled your phone out of its hiding place.

 

"Okay but I choose what gets deleted."

 

\--

 

Jessica hovered over your shoulder as you made your way through your Instagram posts.

 

"God, do you have  _ any  _ pictures without his face in them?" You rolled your eyes and shifted away from her, the corners of your mouth tilting up.

 

"He's the only reason I even have Snapchat or Instagram, " you grumbled back as you continued to dutifully delete any image that included Travis.

 

"You know how I was about social media back in the day, back then people only knew about my life if they…" Your words trailed off when you saw the photo that you had dreaded seeing.

 

It was a selfie that Travis had taken, his arm was wrapped around your shoulders as he planted a kiss on your cheek. It had been your favourite photo for a long time just because it made you two look like a couple.

 

Now it reminded you of the fact that you were just a mistake to him. You bit your lip in an effort to control yourself but it didn't stop the way your eyes burned or how your throat constricted. 

 

It wasn't until Jessica pulled the phone out of your hand that you broke out of your trance.

 

"How about I take care of the rest of them?”

 

You nodded your consent and huddled deeper into the couch, wishing that you had never met Travis in the first place.

 

\--

 

You winced as the tequila burned its way down your throat and slammed the shot glass down. You grabbed the paltry lime wedge and sucked on it as if your life depended on it.

 

"How can you willingly drink something that tastes so awful?" You gasped as Jessica signalled the bartender for another round.

 

"Don't worry, you won't taste anything after the third round," She yelled over the music that throbbed throughout the club.

 

You grimaced when the bartender set down what was now your third shot of tequila. You and Jessica followed the ritual of salting the rim, downing the shot, then sucked as much juice out of the lime as you could.

 

You rolled your eyes at the sound of her tipsy giggle, you knew she pregamed a little while you were getting ready but you didn't think she was that far down the rabbit hole.

 

"Why are we even here anyway, " you struggled to raise your voice above the music but she seemed to catch on.

 

"Because the best way to get over a dick is to ride one!"

You glanced around to see if anyone had heard her declaration as a dark flush spread across your face.

 

"I just need time, Jess-"

 

"Bullshit, you've had time, " she whipped her head around to glare at you. "You've also removed him from your life, it's time to get over it and get some!"

 

"Honestly, Jess I just want to-"

 

"Other than Travis, how many people have you slept with in the past three years?"

 

"W-what does that have to do-" you cut yourself off when she glared at you again. You gulped and turned to study the dance floor, "I don't know, maybe one other person."

 

"You and I both know that you pretty much shut down your love life the moment you fell for that over-hyped prick." You could feel her stare boring into you but you continued to sweep your eyes around the club. Even if you had been looking for a hookup there was no one that caught your eye.

 

Well, there  _ was  _ no one until your eyes landed on the VIP area. Your body locked up and you looked away so quick that a cracking sound emanated from your neck.

 

_ Of course, he's here. Jessica said this was the hottest club in Philly. I'm sure there are tons of girls throwing themselves- _

 

"So what?" Your own dismissal surprised you, maybe Jessica was right. Maybe it was time to be with someone who didn't mind you being there when they woke up.

 

"So what, what?" Jessica tilted her head in your direction, sure that she had missed something important. You licked your lips and looked at her with newfound confidence, 

 

"So what guy should I go for first?"

 

A wild grin appeared on her face before she grabbed your hands and dragged you onto the dance floor.

 

"Yes girl, let's get that dick!"

 

\--

 

Your face was flushed and your chest was heaving when you two finally stumbled off the dance floor. You thought you would be tired after that but you felt exhilarated. Until now you hadn't realized how little you had gone out, how rare it had become for you to  _ enjoy  _ being out the last few years.

 

You gave the bartender a weak wave to get his attention and ordered a drink for the two of you. You could feel your phone buzzing as you reached into your clutch but ignored it. You fingers had trouble locating your wallet though and you ended up peering into it in a vain effort to find your money. You became so absorbed in this venture that you didn't notice the large person come up behind you and jumped when a large hand landed on the small of your back.

 

"This round is on me, beautiful." He grinned down at you while you unashamedly gawked at the handsome, somewhat familiar man who stood within inches of you.

 

You peeked over your shoulder to gauge Jessica's reaction only to see a similarly awestruck look on her face.

 

_ Shit, gotta be smooth, I'm on my own now. _

 

"You're Travis's friend, right?" He leaned down so he could talk directly into your ear and resisted the urge to shiver as his breath tickled your neck. "I haven't seen you around lately, where has he been hiding you?"

 

You recognized him now, he was the alternate captain of the Flyers.

 

_ Crap, what was his name? Sam? Seth? _

 

You pushed back the rush of emotions that came with the mention of Travis and focused on trying to remember his name. He seemed to sense your struggle and extended his hand towards you, 

 

"I'm Sean, I don't think Travis ever actually introduced us." He let out low laugh as his large grasped your smaller one, his fingers almost long enough to completely wrap around your hand.

 

_ I wonder what else those fingers can do. _

 

Heat rushed to your cheeks at the thought and for once you were glad for the dim lighting in the club.

 

"He must not have, I would have remembered someone like you." You smiled back at him while you mentally patted yourself on the back, "I'm (Y/N)."

 

_ Guess I can be smooth when the goal is getting laid. Maybe it's the tequila working its magic. _

 

He leaned closer to you and you struggled to control the urge to step closer, 

 

"How about we go somewhere where we don't have to yell at each other?"

 

"U-um…" 

 

You grunted when Jessica, who had been acting uninterested in the whole interaction, shoved you forward.

 

"She'd love to!" She crowed while she shot you a look out the corner of her eye. Sean glanced between the two of you as he raised an eyebrow.

 

"If you don't want to, it's fi-" you cut him off when you grabbed his hand and stepped past him, 

 

"I'm not sure if we'll find a quiet place in here but we can try." You flashed him a look from beneath your eyelashes as tugged on his hand.

 

He relaxed and shot you an easy grin before pulling ahead of you to lead the way. You risked a glance back at Jessica and flushed when you deciphered what she was mouthing at you, 

 

_ "If you don't fuck him, I will!" _

 

\--

 

You let out a breathless giggle as you leaned against Sean, 

 

"Oh my God, that's awful!" You boldly placed a hand on his thigh to steady yourself.

 

"What can I say? Some women will do anything to get with a hockey player." He glanced toward the empty glasses on the table. He grabbed them and stood, giving you a wink as he did.

 

"Wait here and I'll tell you about the one that ambushed Giroux and me in an elevator."

 

You were more than willing to admit that you ogled his ass as he walked away. A satisfied smile settled on your lips and relaxed into the cushions in the booth. You jumped slightly when you felt your phone vibrate the thin fabric of your small clutch. Under the assumption that it was Jessica checking on you, you grabbed your phone and tapped on the message notification without looking at the sender.

 

_ Do you know what we call a girl who has slept with more than one player on a team? _

 

There was no name, just a number but it was a number you memorized years ago. Against your better judgement, you brought up the whole conversation and read the messages you ignored earlier. You must have been really out of it to not notice your phone going off that many times. It started off okay and went steadily downhill.

 

" _ Hey"  _ Basic, an icebreaker.

 

_ "Haven't seen you out in a while."  _ Gee, I wonder why?

 

" _ You never did like hard alcohol"  _ He must have been watching you since you first came in.

 

_ "That dress looks good on you."  _ You gawked at your phone and wondered if tequila could cause hallucinations.

 

_ "What, you don't look at your phone anymore?"  _ You broke out of your stupor and rolled your eyes, he would turn into a massive brat if you didn't answer right away.

 

_ "Damn, you're really slutting it up tonight."  _ You let out a strangled gasp at that comment but your fury helped you blink back tears.

 

_ "Sean has always had low standards, didn't realize how low until tonight."   _ You clamped a hand over your mouth to silence the whimper that tried to escape your mouth. Your hands had started to shake and it felt like you were choking as you fought to keep yourself under control.

 

Your phone buzzed in your hand as the answer to his own question came through, 

 

_ "We call them the team bicycle." _

 

That was the last straw and you shot up, almost bumping into Sean as he set the drinks down.

 

"Whoa, everything all right?" You mumbled something about needing the bathroom and left him to stare after you.

 

\--

 

You leaned against the bathroom sink as another sob escaped you. Your mind, no,  _ everything _ , spun as you struggled to pull yourself together. You wanted to text him back, to tell him that he was an asshole and that he had judged you wrong.

 

You let out a pathetic sniffle and glanced up at the large mirror. You jolted when you realized that there was another woman in the bathroom with you. She had been observing you while you dissolved into an absolute wreck. She shook her head while she washed her hands.

 

"I don't know who hurt you, honey, but he better worth it if you're crying that hard." She turned the faucet off and dried her hands under the blower. She carefully checked her hair and clothes before she turned to leave, 

 

"It better be a damn good man you're sobbing over if you're willing to ruin your makeup." With one final glance back, she left the bathroom.

 

You stared after her as her comments played on repeat in your head. The crying had stopped when she spoke to you and your breathing had slowed down as you turned your head to look at the mirror.

 

You made eye contact with your reflection as one thing became crystal clear.

 

_ He was never worth my time. _

 

\--

 

You walked with purpose as you forced yourself through the crowd. You didn't care about the dirty looks you were getting, you only cared about getting back to that booth. Fury powered you now and filled you with confidence that you had never experienced. 

 

You finally reached the booth and met Sean's eyes. He stared up at you, a small frown on his lips while he once again cocked an eyebrow at you. You drew in a deep breath as you pulled your shoulders back and tilted your head at an almost arrogant angle.

 

"Your place or mine?"

  
  
  



	3. What You Deserve

Music blasted through the kitchen as you made dinner. Your feet never stopped moving while you sashayed around with an invisible dance partner. 

 

"How lucky can one guy be?” You sang along while a (now common) grin spread across your face. You had been on cloud nine for the past month and a half. You threw the chopped up veggies in the frying pan with a dramatic flourish, your mind reminiscing about the moments that had brought you here.

 

A rosy flush covered your cheeks while you remembered your first night with Sean.

 

\-- 

Countless emotions fought for dominance but you pushed them away. You were in the moment and you refused to acknowledge anything that might disrupt it. You wanted this, wanted  _ him  _ so badly that you could taste it.

 

You didn't even wait until you were fully in your apartment before you started tugging at Sean's clothes. His mouth was hot in yours as you stumbled back into your home. You let out a muffled grunt when your back connected with the wall, his body trapping you there. You shivered as his hands swept down your sides, a fire left in their wake. He pulled away when your hands slid down to fumble with his belt.

 

"Slow down beautiful, " he gently tipped your chin up until your eyes connected, "I want to take my time with you."

 

His hands slid under your dress to cup your thighs while he gently nudged your legs apart. His knee moved upwards until it pressed against your core. You gasped and bucked against him, your pussy already throbbing with need.

 

"I've waited a long time for a chance with you and I'm going to savour every inch of you."

 

\--

You couldn't deny the heat that spread through you at the memory, remembering the way his hands gripped your hips while he thrust into you. How gentle he had been, how he kissed his way across your skin. His treatment of you bordered on reverent that night and it had created a sweet ache in you. The kind where you wanted to drown in his touch, for it to be never-ending.

 

You bit your lip as a low moan slipped out. You hurried to sweep those thoughts away and struggled to refocus on the stove. Being horny wasn't a good enough reason to burn dinner, no sir. You managed to focus for a grand total of two minutes before your mind wandered away like a curious toddler yet again.

 

You frowned deeply when you remembered how you tried to sneak out after you two had finished. Shame burned its way into you when you thought of how he had frowned at you that night.

 

\--

"Where do you think you're going?" You let out a startled gasp when his hand wrapped around your arm. You whipped your head around to stare at him from the edge of the bed. You had been so patient while you waited for him to fall asleep. The bed had barely even moved when you gently detangled yourself from him and rolled away yet it was enough to wake him. He had grabbed you when you sat up.

 

You swallowed when he frowned at you and you turned away. You couldn't handle the look on his face, couldn't handle how it made your heart constrict and your stomach twist.

 

"Look, Sean, I… I understand that guys like you don't like it when hookups stick around so, " you had almost said 'and Travis' and silently chastised yourself for even thinking of him, "I'll just go to avoid-"

 

You squeaked when he let go of your arm only to wrap his arm around your waist. He tugged you back towards with an ease that reminded you that he was, in fact, a professional athlete. You submitted to his touch and allowed him to pull you back down. A shiver ran through you when your back came in contact with his bare chest. Your body sank into him when you felt his arms settle around you, it gave you a sense of security that made you sigh in contentment.

 

You squeezed your eyes shut when he brushed his fingertips across your stomach before his fingers burrowed underneath you so he could cup your side. You were scared, plain and simple. His tenderness made you feel crazy, like you were drowning, and you wanted to sprint back to the safe place. The place of emotional distance was the easy choice, the place where you didn't feel like you were made of the most fragile glass in the world every time he touched you.

 

He hummed lightly as you settled against him. Not that you had a say in the proximity, he was cuddling you the same way a child clutches their teddy bear during a thunderstorm.

 

"Who said you were just a hookup?" Your lips trembled as a small tear rolled across the bridge of your nose.

 

"I want you to promise me, " he threw his leg overtop of yours, completing his mission to trap you in his bed, "that you'll be here when I wake up." 

 

You swallowed heavily at his words, every fibre of your being suddenly felt like it was on fire.

 

"I promise."

 

\--

 

You blinked away the mist in your eyes while your lips tilted up in a slow smile. No man had ever treated you with that kind of tenderness, had ever made you feel like you were the most precious thing in the world.

 

The way Sean acted stunned you, his actions were more those of a man towards the love of his life, not a one night stand turned girlfriend. You had struggled with the notion the first couple of weeks before simply giving in. Now you heart would flutter when he looked at you, sing when he smiled and leap when he touched you. You had never felt this way towards someone, not even Travis.

 

You grimaced as his name wandered through your mind.  _ That _ was one subject you had dreaded initially. You did anything to avoid the subject of him for the first month. It was Sean who brought it up, one night after he got back from dinner with the boys.

 

\--

 

"Were you and Travis ever an item?" He didn't look at you when he asked this, his tone deceptively light, "he's had a chip on his shoulder since you and I went back to your place."

 

Your heart stopped in that instance, everything stopped as your mind sprinted through the many different explanations you could give. You let a shaky breath before you took a seat on the couch, your eyes trained on the far wall.

 

"I… Travis never had any feelings like that towards me, " you cleared your throat in an effort to hold onto your composure, "I had those feelings for him though."

 

"I was always there for him, I would be… whatever he needed as long as it meant being near him." Your teeth ground together as you remembered how you used to be. How you used to drop everything the moment he snapped his fingers.

 

"I always thought we were good friends, that he at least cared about me in some way but something happened that showed that I was, at best, a last resort back up plan." 

 

Your face twisted and crumpled as your eyes slid from the wall to the floor. You hated the way tears made your eyes burn, hated that this could still affect you. Someone like him having that power over you made you want to scream.

 

Sean remained blessedly quiet as you recounted the night you and Travis slept together. You refused to look at him as you spoke, you knew your composure would fall apart if you so much as glanced at him.

 

There was an echoing silence when you finished, your hands shaking with the effort it took to hold your emotions at bay.

 

"What an idiot." You flinched at his words, it had been dumb you had been with Travis but you didn't think he would be so-

 

"I would kill to have a woman look at me the way you used to look at him, " you finally looked at Sean as a sense of disbelief filled you. "What kind of moron wastes an opportunity to have a woman like you?"

 

An almost crazed grin came close to splitting your face in two as you flung yourself at Sean. You peppered kisses across his face while he accepted the affection with a bemused look on his face. 

 

"Well, you have a woman looking at you like that now."

 

\--

 

It felt like you were walking on air at this point. You were lost in your own world as you lit the candles on the table. You hummed as you turned away and went back to the stove to start plating the food. You didn't hear the front door open and close of the heavy footsteps that made their way to where you were.

 

You jumped and almost flung Sean's portion against the wall when a pair of arms wrapped around.

 

"Give a person some warning!" He chuckled at the indignation in your voice.

 

"I'm sorry, I just can't help it, " he breathed deeply as he pressed his face against your hair. "Every time I see you I want to wrap my arms around you."

 

You turned in his arms and settled your hands on his chest. You couldn't help but laugh at him, 

"That is the sappiest thing I have  _ ever  _ heard." He shot you a corny grin before he leaned down to press his forehead against yours, 

 

"You know you love it." 

 

You softened at his words, your heart trilling at the feeling of his body against yours.

 

"Well, I can't argue with that."

 

FIN

  
  



End file.
